Testing 1,2,3

How is my hopefulness?

I have no direct answer to that question.

When I first "conquered" breast cancer, I thought it was a one and done. Hopefulness: 99.9%.

Several years later, the cancer metastasized to my liver and kidneys. Ibrance with Fulvestrant stopped that growth for 5 years. When that was no longer effective, Truqap and Fulvestrant kept it a bay an additional 8 months. Hopefulness: 63%

May 2026, I learned the lesions had increased in number and size, I felt "if this is not the end, it is the beginning of the end."  A plan for infusion was made.  Hopefulness: 30%

I have been apprehensive about the side effects of the proposed medication, fearful the side effects would likely accelerate lung/respiratory inflammation and eye deterioration, both already problematic.  I felt I would not tolerate treatment as I have in the past, or worse, the medication would seriously disable me.  Hopefulness: <25%

In my heart, I felt God had a different plan for me.  I know God has healed me. First for almost 20 years, then for 5 years, then 8 months.  I know He can heal me again.  Eventually, my body will lose the ability to rebound...I just don't know when. A recent priesthood blessing indicated that God would heal me as He has in the past, but in that same blessing I was also reminded that it would not be the last of cancer for me. Hopefulness: 80%

Oncology exam room walls should not be so thin that I so easily overhear conversation without trying. More than twice, I have heard my oncologist deliver the "bad news" to a patient through a wall without any intention of hearing it.  "Clinical trials" terminology seemed code for "we are not sure what will help; but would you consider doing a clinical trial on the off chance it will help?" A few weeks ago, I overheard another patient receive the news that she was no longer eligible for more clinical trials. "Even if one came up, you would not be around long enough to begin the trial."  "I am sorry, but there is nothing more we can do."  Hopefulness: maybe 15%

However, in spite of that, when I was offered a clinical trial over the proposed medication, I felt hope. I feel this is what God was leading me to do.  This is how he will heal me, once again.  Hopefulness: 85%

From the very beginning of my breast cancer journey, I have benefitted by many women and men before me that pioneered the way for me and others like me to live healthier and longer.  Beyond encouraging others to "live strong", I have had a desire to make a difference in the treatment of this cancer. Participating in a clinical trial phase allows that contribution to metastatic breast cancer research. 

I have been blessed, and if my participation in a clinical trial will benefit someone else, I am glad to do it.

So let the tests begin!

Hopefulness: 92%