Oncology update

 Yesterday, I met with my oncologist to see how my treatment was going.  The Fulvestrant injections hurt more than usual, and I was encouraged to do nightly massages to reduce the rock-hard scars in my buttocks that have accumulated throughout these 5+ years on Fulvestrant.  The medication is so thick that the MedTech really has to expend some energy to push the hormone therapy into my tough posterior, especially when the serum is not yet at room temperature. When this happens, especially after I am fasting for the A1C blood draw, I may feel light-headed and nauseated midway through the injections, as I did yesterday.  The time I needed to re-cover, I also unfortunately overheard a conversation in the exam room next door, where my oncologist was taking with another patient about the end of their cancer journey. "I would like to enter you in another trial, but you do know that your battle may end before the trial begins."  

This is not the first time I have overheard my oncologist talk to a patient about end-stage, end-of-life care.  It leaves me unsettled.  "Why am I able to continue?  How long has that person been fighting cancer?  What kind of cancer? My neighbor behind us had 4 remissions before he passed away in his 80's. What will his conversation with me be like when my time comes?" "Healed or remission?" I either come away deflated and exhausted, or more determined to get my life in order quicker.  Yesterday I set a goal to de-clutter our home, particularly my things.  I would not want to leave behind a bunch of stuff for Van, or my children, to go through, decide and/or dump.  But in the end, what is really left of value, anyway?  My journals?  Several of my journals I just wrote pages debating decisions or venting frustrations.  Those may be the first to be purged. 

Mostly recently I decided that cremation is a viable alternative to burial and a graveside ceremony is preferred to a traditional LDS funeral. Why spend all the cost when my children would benefit more from any remaining funds being distributed to them?  I would like a simple graveside service, and Van and I do choose for our remains to be placed in the same gravesite.

Sounds like morbid talk, but like he said " your cancer battle may end" sooner that you planned.

Ok enough for now.  Time to get "my hose in order"...and that begins in the sewing/craft space (and2 "editing/scrubbing" my journals - lol).