pivot suspension

 It is 5 am and I am wide awake in anticipation of my oncology appointment today.  PET scan results are in, and to some surprise, indicate very little evidence of cancerous disease.  The cancer pendulum has been swinging widely this past 30 days.  A persistent dry cough, a productive cough, vomiting while coughing, choking, no cough, pericardial effusion with many malignant cancer cells in the fluid specimen, large pleural effusion, tiny pleural effusion, treatment failure and cancer progression, no evidence of disease ... there is no definitive resting place in this pivot suspension.

At times I feel foolish, reporting all is well, but I am not well, or reporting all is not well, but I am improved, or worsened.  My body function and my prognosis are constantly fluctuating.  The only consistency is change. The first week of November, I was in a hospital negative air flow, being tested for tuberculosis after pericardial tamponade. while fluid was drained from around my heart. The first week of December, I had a PET scan results indicating no evidence of cancerous interference around my heart.  Perplexing.  Have I received the miracle I hoped for or an erroneous test result?

Do I have cancer progression, or was the cancer treatment creating the complications with my lungs and heart?

The prednisone taper and z-pack prescribed has had the most positive physical relief from the cough that has been present since late April 2024. The prescribed albuterol and Wixela (generic Advair) inhalant medications have had minor results until the prednisone and azithromycin Z-pack were added. That is when my appetite increased taking in greater than 1000 calories a day, I was able to do minor household chores and manage the day without periods of resting, or supplemental oxygen.  This might suggest that inflammation and infection were the underlying suspects of my lung and heart distress.  Is appropriate to diagnosis the ailment based on the positive impact of the medicine prescribed?  Is it any wonder, that I have described my past months as an extended game of "whack-a-mole"?

It is anyone's guess as to what to expect as news today.  New prognosis? New treatment? New anything?

Is it the miracle I have been seeking or a suspended "time out"?   I have attached a lot of decisions making about retirement from work, election for early social security benefits, plans for the next decade of my life, and intentions for my adult children according to the recommendations in today's oncology appointment.

Through sacred priesthood blessings, I have been told to expect miracles.  My time on this earth is not ending yet, and there is much good work I will yet do.  Seek miracles, expect miracles... recognize miracles. Miracles still do happen. Am I experiencing one now?

Post Oncology appointment note

3:15 pm.

PET Scan does not show any thing that can be biopsied.

2 more weeks without treatment while seeking to find mutation of cancer cells through pericardial fluid sample.  If present and discernable, targeted therapies will follow.  If not able to obtain mutation information, chemo infusion to follow.

Meanwhile, enjoying pre-Christmas festivities.

I was craving lasagna and had late lunch at the Olive Garden restaurant.  While listening to Christmas music, I ate more food than I have for a while: lunch size lasagna, breadsticks, salad, and sprite soda. Returned home, began coughing, and of course, threw it up.

I will be following through with Allergy & Asthma appointment on Monday, and digestive/dysphagia/ swallowing evaluation appointment later this month.

Jingle bells, Jingle bells