Parenting, intellectually and spiritually
The further along we go, the more I am convinced that for most of us, okay well for me anyway, the only way I would have learned what it is like to be God is to be a parent. I'm not talking about parental control or authority. I'm talking about watching my children grow and exercise their agency. Sometimes it's amazingly joyful, other times, it is just plain sad.
A few days ago, my daughter came to me with a decision she had made. She asked me to help her facilitate/implement her choice. "I'd rather have your guidance on this than someone else educate me," "My friend suggested that I talk with you first", she said. Later, she added, "Well, if you won't help me, my friend she already told me that she would." All I could say was I couldn't support her decision because it was so contrary to my own values and standards. I wasn't willing to compromise mine by facilitating hers. After we calmed from our verbal banter/battle she got tears in her eyes and said "I'm going to do this, but I don't want to feel separated from you/your disapproval, because of it." I assured her that I love her, and provided examples of how I have honored her individuality in the past even when I disagreed. However, it would be unrealistic to proceed and expect it to not create distance in her relationships or disapproval from me. I asked her to think more about the decision and it's ramifications. Then, if she persists to do this thing, to do so with her eyes wide open.
Intellectually, I know separation is necessary for development into adulthood, and she's right on schedule, even choosing something that I highly value to rebel against. She is looking through a tunnel, thinking she is seeing through a panoramic lens. She is unwilling to yield to my understanding and knowledge that exceeds her viewpoint.
I thought of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. They made a decision, with limited understanding of the consequences until afterward. I think God, our Father, and Adam and Eve felt great sadness about the decision. I'm not suggesting that my daughter's decision is monumental enough to affect all mankind, but it is one of those turning points in her life and will likely affect her relationships in the future. She views it as a common everyday norm, and that I only have this value because I was raised "a Mormon." I assured her that my values may have begun in my upbringing, but ultimately I decide what I keep and what I don't.
I think of how Heavenly Father feels about me when I knowingly choose my will over His will...which happens a lot. And I begin to see, and feel. This evening I feel sad.
A few days ago, my daughter came to me with a decision she had made. She asked me to help her facilitate/implement her choice. "I'd rather have your guidance on this than someone else educate me," "My friend suggested that I talk with you first", she said. Later, she added, "Well, if you won't help me, my friend she already told me that she would." All I could say was I couldn't support her decision because it was so contrary to my own values and standards. I wasn't willing to compromise mine by facilitating hers. After we calmed from our verbal banter/battle she got tears in her eyes and said "I'm going to do this, but I don't want to feel separated from you/your disapproval, because of it." I assured her that I love her, and provided examples of how I have honored her individuality in the past even when I disagreed. However, it would be unrealistic to proceed and expect it to not create distance in her relationships or disapproval from me. I asked her to think more about the decision and it's ramifications. Then, if she persists to do this thing, to do so with her eyes wide open.
Intellectually, I know separation is necessary for development into adulthood, and she's right on schedule, even choosing something that I highly value to rebel against. She is looking through a tunnel, thinking she is seeing through a panoramic lens. She is unwilling to yield to my understanding and knowledge that exceeds her viewpoint.
I thought of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. They made a decision, with limited understanding of the consequences until afterward. I think God, our Father, and Adam and Eve felt great sadness about the decision. I'm not suggesting that my daughter's decision is monumental enough to affect all mankind, but it is one of those turning points in her life and will likely affect her relationships in the future. She views it as a common everyday norm, and that I only have this value because I was raised "a Mormon." I assured her that my values may have begun in my upbringing, but ultimately I decide what I keep and what I don't.
I think of how Heavenly Father feels about me when I knowingly choose my will over His will...which happens a lot. And I begin to see, and feel. This evening I feel sad.
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