What would you do?

Due to a glitch with our medical insurance, the plan to begin a new medication may be delayed.  Anticipating that I might be retiring in the year 2025, at Open Enrollment in November, I waived my medical coverage to become a dependent under Van's medical coverage.  We have been assured that all was done correctly, but the "ticket" has not yet been completed and consequently, I do not show as having medical coverage.

Consequently, Friday afternoon, Both Van and I were on the phone and email trying to get the "ticket" processed. Finally, I ended up rescheduling at least 2 medical appointments planned for this week.  I still have dental coverage under my own plan, so I will move forward to teeth cleaning this week.  This also postponed the echocardiogram needed prior to beginning the new oncology medication.

The new medication,  Troqap, if approved, may result in halting my MBC progression for 6 -36 months.  Having had a few days to read up on the potential and likely side-effects, the biggest worry, other than it not working, is that I could develop diabetes, significant diarrhea, a large body rash, and a lot of nausea.  The clinical studies show a patient with MBC who has successfully completed one chemo series and later showed progression, and then was treated with a CDK inhibiter followed by progression is the most likely candidate to have success with this targeted therapy of Truqap with fulvestrant. Interestingly, the Truqap is also used to treat prostate cancer.  The co-pay for Truqap could be $3000.00/mo if not covered by my medical insurance or a patient assistance program. Most of the persons on the Troqap discussion forum ended treatment at 6 months or sooner, either due to cancer progression or side effect intolerance.  After that a person may try chemo infusion, or participate in a new medication trial.  Would you pay $3000/mo for a medication that prolong your life up to 36 months?  

A woman I know has an alternative plan to help me avoid the oncology trap (making the patient pay enormously, with no cure, and ultimate death.)  It involves a very strict diet non-processed sugar diet and other parts of a regime.  She totally believes that it cures people of their cancer. Would you take the risk on medical oncology or on the very strict naturopathic plan that has some "rather odd things" to accompany it?  

Typically, I have accepted traditional medicine.  I have used supplements but have not really delved much into the naturopathic or other somewhat quirky cures.  However, 6 months of miserable side effects with potential cancer progression, or 6 months of strict health guidelines and no oncology, tempts me to inquire about alternatives.

What would you do, I wonder?

My chest has been tighter and my voice a bit raspier the last few days.  What is the causation?

The new bra that has elastic rather than underwire?

Anxiety due to insurance and medical oncology recommendations?

Natural consequences of MBC without treatment for 2+ months?

I am not particularly afraid of the door to eternity that we call death.  I am afraid for my family, who I will leave behind, while they are not solidly planted in their own life and faith in God.  I wish I could remediate their struggles. however, whether I am here on earth, or beyond the veil, may not change their paths.  Either way I will love and hope for them.

A couple of thoughts shared in church today:

1. We tend to think that our situations and trials are unique and make us special, when in reality, most of what we experience, has been experienced many times by others.  ("Inversions without end.")  The timing, conditions, and particulars may be uniquely packaged for our own personal growth and development, but most trials have been experienced or are being experienced by others.  

Uniquely, our Savior, Jesus Christ experienced each one of them at Gethsemane in order for him to fully and completely know and love each one of us.

2. D & C 78:18 "And ye cannot bear all things now, nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours."

Thoughts in general:

How do I help prepare my loved ones for "the end" of my life?

How will I manage the time in treatment/retirement, until I leave this life?

One of my children shared a video with me about a young man who was given a key to a storage shed after his mother passed away. When he opened the door, the garage was filled with gifts for him labeled for high school graduation, college graduation, every birthday and Christmas to come, and a new car.

It was sweet, but I quickly attempted to manage expectations.  It has made me think though.  What might I leave behind that others might value?

I have been asked to think about my retirement send off.  I know I do not want a grand gesture of a party (in treatment, I will likely feel ill and uncomfortable.)  Would it satisfy my boss, my co-workers, and myself to just say good-bye and leave? hmm.

In the last few months of my life, I hope to paint/write, to fulfill my calling in the Relief Society, attend the temple, and share love with my family, friends, others I meet, and prepare myself to recognize Hin when I meet our Savior.

Or maybe, this is not the end of life, just yet.  Maybe through some miracle, I will live for years to come.  It could happen, right?  We never know until it happens.