A messy week

This has been a messy week trying to sort out insurance, retirement and making plans with Maddie to transition to a more independent life away from home.  My optimism for recovery has been waning under the stress. 

Tonight, I had a very sweet experience in our Relief Society presidency meeting. It gave me the shot of optimism that I needed to press onward with confidence. I love our sisters, all my sisters, by birth, as friends, and as well as mentors.

Have I mentioned how stubborn and resistive I am? I definitely have some of the Grandma Wright genes in me.  I have dreams of well- portioned, well-balanced, healthy meals rich in fruits, vegetables, and proteins. I ambitiously a create a menu, shop for the groceries, and still let the ingredients rot in the refrigerator, develop freezer burn in the freezer, or grow stale in the pantry.  I am not sure what this is all about, but it is consistent.    

I believe that flavor, texture, and variety are as essential for me to feel healthy and satisfied. However, I in reality, I can consume the same foods repetitively for days without complaint.  

In the last few months, my eating habits have been challenging.  Tomato based products are not agreeing with my digestive system, and this pasta loving gal can hardly tolerate more than 3 bites of any red sauced noodle dish.  Pizza and tacos are iffy.  Cheeseburgers and French fries lack flavor and seem to have a cardboard or plastic quality.  Somedays honey-walnut shrimp are thoroughly satisfying, when other times I only enjoy the walnuts.  Today the morning protein shake, same one I have been drinking many mornings since last May, suddenly upset my stomach.  Yesterday, I managed to each an orange in an hour, once slice at a time.  Today, I ate an entire sliced apple dipped in peanut butter and a short stack of crackers within 15 minutes. Carbonated beverages or milk are producing a fair amount of flatulence, but water falls flat on my palette.

My "gut" has always been a reliable barometer of how I am handling my life.  When stressed about a test in middle school, I would awaken test morning with stomach flu symptoms. This also happened when I stayed up too late at night, so 10 pm became my standard bedtime and still is.   If I am nervous, my butterflies are more like tiny fire breathing dragons circling inside my belly.  When I finalize a tough decision that has been weighing on me, my bowels loosen up.  More than you ever wanted to know, right?

As frustrating as the medical testing and medical insurance "glitches" have been, the delay is allowing some preparation time prior to starting the new medication. I have been looking at ways to curb digestive issues and reduce the increased risk of developing diabetes - two major side-effects of Truqap.  Yesterday I tried the "delicious" no sugar, no flour large slice of banana bread given me by a friend who is very committed to healthy eating.  Her routine "batch cooking plan" sounded great and appealed as a healthy, sustainable, low carb option.  However, the bread texture seemed off and by the 3rd bite I realized the flour had been replaced by rolled oats.  Oops.  I never have tolerated oats or oat flour, very well. A cup of Cheerios, or Lucky Charms cereal whether dry or wet (think milk, Koolaid, juice) always result in smelly fermented burps afterward.  I browsed through the recipe book loaned to me with the banana bread and most of the delicious looking breakfast options, included a main ingredient - rolled oats.  Onto a different plan.  I have one more week to create the "Lisa's alternative cookbook".

It is past my bedtime and my gut is not happy.  A new dawn, a new day, to try again.