A little sweetening
There has been a lot of stress at home lately. Sibling rivalry, backbiting, and short tempers abound.
This afternoon we had a family meeting wile enjoying chocolate caramel fondue ( I thought a little sweetening might help). Earlier in the week, I texted everyone and asked them to prepare to respond to the following statements by Sunday. "What is important to me in my life is _____________, _______________, and _____________. I enjoy being around ___________, because they ___________________."
My original thought was we could identify and verbalize our family values, and discovery qualities in other we would like to emulate.
It took a detour with a good outcome. Instead, we were able to discuss what we thought was important to us, and what we thought is important to each other. I'd love to report that we shared the same values entirely....but we don't. We reduced our differences to basic themes and discovered that many of the conflicts we were having centered around conflicting values. Dad values education, his and others, an organized home, work, pets, and recreation (skiing, movies...)
Mom values personal and family development, church, creativity, some time alone without conflict/crisis, and chocolate :-) which she intends to replace with exercise.
One son is all about music in it's many and varied forms. We all wish he valued organization as it would make all of our lives, and especially less tumultuous, but as he says "It's the way I am and nothing will change that, even my attempts at this have failed." One daughter values personal time, pop culture (1D), recreation, school, and planning for the future. Everything doesn't have to be structured but surprise changes are not welcome.
Our youngest values family, friendship, and social time. At times this collides with other family members wanting personal space. One agreed to have a game playing afternoon once a week to help meet another child's value.
We concluded that when we are upset, which we will be again, we will look at the conflict in values to help us with the stress rather than the person as the problem.
It's not the direction I was headed necessarily, but I am pleased with the outcome and the effort made by all.
This afternoon we had a family meeting wile enjoying chocolate caramel fondue ( I thought a little sweetening might help). Earlier in the week, I texted everyone and asked them to prepare to respond to the following statements by Sunday. "What is important to me in my life is _____________, _______________, and _____________. I enjoy being around ___________, because they ___________________."
My original thought was we could identify and verbalize our family values, and discovery qualities in other we would like to emulate.
It took a detour with a good outcome. Instead, we were able to discuss what we thought was important to us, and what we thought is important to each other. I'd love to report that we shared the same values entirely....but we don't. We reduced our differences to basic themes and discovered that many of the conflicts we were having centered around conflicting values. Dad values education, his and others, an organized home, work, pets, and recreation (skiing, movies...)
Mom values personal and family development, church, creativity, some time alone without conflict/crisis, and chocolate :-) which she intends to replace with exercise.
One son is all about music in it's many and varied forms. We all wish he valued organization as it would make all of our lives, and especially less tumultuous, but as he says "It's the way I am and nothing will change that, even my attempts at this have failed." One daughter values personal time, pop culture (1D), recreation, school, and planning for the future. Everything doesn't have to be structured but surprise changes are not welcome.
Our youngest values family, friendship, and social time. At times this collides with other family members wanting personal space. One agreed to have a game playing afternoon once a week to help meet another child's value.
We concluded that when we are upset, which we will be again, we will look at the conflict in values to help us with the stress rather than the person as the problem.
It's not the direction I was headed necessarily, but I am pleased with the outcome and the effort made by all.
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